Blogs

I recently worked with an amazing woman, who was going through an unwanted divorce. After 10 years of marriage and being a stay at home Mom, she was going back to work to help support herself and her three children.

Even though she couldn’t see it, her strength and courage were amazing. Instead, she lived with guilt, fear, and shame. Each morning she put one foot in front of the other and got through the day. But hope for a time when she could feel joy or even manage a smile seemed out of her reach. For this woman, letting go of those feelings seemed like an impossible task.

If you are stuck in feelings that are paralyzing you, the only way to move through them is to be proactive and intentional. And sometimes that means finding someone to help who will literally take you by the hand and guide you through the process. The only way to get past it is to go through it. Being proactive means taking the steps you need to get to the other side. Try these on for size.

Step One. It Takes a Village.

No one is expected to have all the answers. The most important thing to realize is that you don’t have to go through divorce alone. Being able to reach out for support is a sign of strength, not weakness. Confide in friends and family who are empathetic and supportive, rather than critical and judgmental. Friends, the kind who will listen and offer support, are wonderful to have. Therapy that focuses on finding solutions rather than dwelling on problems can also be helpful. If the expense is a concern, universities and agencies offer services that are affordable.

Step Two. Tap into your own personal resources.

When your mind is chaotic, it’s difficult to think clearly, let alone problem-solve. Practicing yoga, mindfulness meditation, or just simply taking quiet moments when you consciously allow your mind to not think opens space for clarity. Your inner voice begins to rise up and be heard. It’s all there within you waiting to come forward. This also provides another opportunity to come out of isolation and feel more connected.

Step Three. All Roads Lead to Rome.

Consider and embrace varying perspectives. Feedback from others that offer different perspectives and how they overcame their challenges can be valuable. Support groups with other like-minded women can offer this. Be sure that they are facilitated by a professional therapist.

Step Four. Be intentional.

Plan for the future but live in the present is the best way to describe being intentional. Would you ever consider setting out on a journey without a map of where you are going and how to get there? Through all of the other steps, bring your goals and intentions into your awareness and then begin to plot out baby steps to achieve them. Being intentional creates a sense of balance and well-being in your life. It gives you purpose and direction.

Step Five. Find a Good Therapist.

It cannot be overstated divorce is not something you should go through alone. There are a variety of resources that can help you heal. Therapy can help you heal the hurt and pain while you explore unresolved issues. For my client, this process resulted in amazing things. She was able to be more present in everything she experienced. She became a better mother, better professional, and most importantly began to embrace and enjoy life with each little victory she accomplished.

Dr. Laura Richter is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who works with individuals, couples, and families. Her specialties include surviving infidelity, improving communication, beginning again after divorce and effective co-parenting after divorce. She is also a trained mediator, qualified parenting coordinator and collaborative law mental health professional. For more information, please call or text us today at 561-715-6404 to schedule a consultation to see how we can help.