Tuesday Dec 17, 2013
I’ve heard narcissists defined as selfish, self-centered, and angry individuals who are bound to break your heart. Yet, falling for a narcissist can be one of the most exciting rides you will ever take.
These individuals can be charming, sexy, and fun-loving and they’re never boring. Take, Bill Clinton for example. He’s dynamic, highly intelligent, fun, sexy, confident, committed, and some would describe him as a narcissist.
While some may say that being in a relationship can be toxic and doomed to fail, I’m here to tell you that if you are up for the challenge and are willing to invest the time and energy in understanding how they tick, the return on your investment can be amazing!
First of all, most people believe that narcissists are selfish. Narcissists are some of the most generous people you will ever meet. In many ways, they define themselves by how well they are able to please others, since it reflects back on being able to please themselves.
Narcissists require a lot of gratitude and positive feedback. The more you compliment them for their generosity and tell them how wonderful they are, the more they trust in you. The more you adore them, the more they adore you back.
And seriously, this is the way we should care for all our loved ones, isn’t it?
It’s a myth that narcissists are not able to deal with feelings. Narcissists are probably the most vulnerable people I know when it comes to feelings. They easily become emotionally injured or hurt.
If you want to get a narcissist to take responsibility for their behaviors then you need to express your concerns in a way that is not perceived as judgment or criticism.
So, never point a finger at them as being part of the problem. It’s much more effective to invite them to be part of the solution. The more they feel wanted and needed, the more responsive they become.
Narcissists tend to idealize the people they love. They are very committed to the people they care about.
That’s the good news. It feels really good to feel valued and placed in high esteem, but when you fall from their grace, it can feel really bad. Let’s face it, this will eventually happen — we are all human, and we are not always sensitive to our loved ones needs.
It takes a really strong, confident person who is capable of a tremendous amount of compassion and empathy to be in a narcissistic relationship.
If you don’t have the personality for it, then it’s probably not going to be the best fit for you. But if you are up for the challenge, you may have the time of your life.
Just ask Hillary!
Dr. Laura Richter is a licensed Marriage and Family therapist who works with individuals, couples, and families. Her specialties include: surviving infidelity, improving communication, beginning again after divorce and effective co-parenting after divorce. She is also a trained mediator, qualified parenting coordinator and collaborative law mental health professional. For more information, please call or text us today at 561-715-6404 to schedule a consultation to see how we can help.